So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have feelings that need drinking.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
