To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
