Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
