If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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