you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
