Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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