the condom got lost in my hair
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize