my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
