We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
