Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
