Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
