i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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