You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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