i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
