now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
