For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
