let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
