just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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