Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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