Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
