he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
