How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize