i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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