I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
