If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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