he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i came on her dog
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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