he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
nutella sex= disaster
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
