I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
