I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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