Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
