Say something about gay babies.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
