I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
