In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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