he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
