I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
