you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
