She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
