make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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