She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
