Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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