It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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