Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
