My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
