I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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