I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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