If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
