Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
