He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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