I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
