we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
