In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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