a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
