Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
