Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
