I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
