dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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