i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
