I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
