Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
