I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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