You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
