alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
