Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
