nut hugger
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize