we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
