If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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