I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
