This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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