Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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