So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
