you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
