No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
