Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
