im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
