so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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