I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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