she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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