remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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