pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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