Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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