This is not my ceiling
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just high enough for therapy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
