god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
