is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
