You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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