There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
