Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
