No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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