don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize