she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my liver is dry heaving
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
