I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize