i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
