Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
