evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
