ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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