I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
