Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
