Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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