names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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