oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
