i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
