pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
