You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
