the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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