He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
